14 days to go.
Today’s preparation involves; How to Not Get Malaria. (WARNING This is a kind of mental overload one today; hard-core plant nerds only)
So I’ve deliberated long and hard around the whole Malaria situation. If I get it before the ceremony, I won’t be able to have wood. Post-Iboga is inconvenient but less of an issue. There is 1 anti-malaria pharmaceutical safe to use with Iboga; Malerone, which I’ve been advised by the person leading us in to take. However he won’t be :P. Malerone is also used as treatment if one gets Malaria. It should be noted that in South East Asia resistance to ALL anti-malaria medications are reported. Symptoms of Malaria include; shaking chills, sweating, fever, headache, vomiting, abdominal pain, diarrhoea, muscle pain - sounds like an Eboga trip! So telling the difference might be hard, at first anyway. After Iboga wears off you start to feel much better, malaria well, much worse..
Malaria isn’t a virus like I first thought, but a parasite by the name of Plasmodium spp. (there are 4 types). It spreads via the blood, and attacks the integrity of your own red blood cells multiplying and destroying, essentially. Sounds brutal. I have no intention of experiencing ANY of this mind you.
This book ‘Herbal Antivirals’ is a Godsend. Well human-send actually. It’s extremely well researched, well-referenced, and easy to navigate companion for any herbal medicine practitioner or enthusiast. I use it and it’s partner ‘Herbal Antibiotics’ often as they explore, in detail, verified information around plants specific to a strain of bacteria or virus, breaking down into the constituents of plants and their actions. A must have natural medicine guide.
Herbal medicine with proven anti-malarial actions include Boneset and Isatis.
Boneset is from the family Composite, Genus Eupatorium, with tens of species, more commonly Eupatorium perfoliatum. Boneset is anti-inflammatory, Immunostimulating, Cytotoxic, Antiviral, Anti-plasmodium used specifically to treat malaria making it a midlevel antimalarial. There is too little information/studies on it with too much difference in spp. for me to be sure it’s safe with Iboga..
Isatis tinctoria from the Brassicaceae family is a broad spectrum antiviral, directly virucidal, inhibits viral replication, inhibits virus attachment to cells, potentiates the effectiveness of viral vaccines, is immune stimulating, anti-parasitic and anti-inflammatory. It is the chemical component Tryptanthrin that is potently anti-parasitic against malaria. From its actions it appears to be safe with Iboga as a herbal medicine.
Interestingly Elderberries (Sambucus nigra) have been shown to exasperate malaria by potentially activating Th1 cytokines. AVOID!
Herbs with proven Plasmodium killing powers include:
Licorice, Glycyrrhiza glabra, which I definitely can’t mix with Iboga due to its QT-prolonging effects
and the fungi…
Cordyceps sinensis which is a potent immuno-adaptogenic, anti-inflammatory, cardiotonic, strengthener of heart beat, anti-arrhythmic, renoprotective, hepatoprotective, antiviral & anti-microbial with actions specific to Plasmodium spp. Cordyceps shows very low CYP450 inhibition YESSSS. This I definitely CAN use with Iboga YAYY A WIN. Also sounds like it would help support the entire body with the wood. Stories talk of the mushroom Iboga was served on, was it Cordyceps!?
Lesson today is; get some Cordyceps & research Isatis PRONTO to make sure it doesn’t have anthraquinones in it - big no no (I feel like it might as it's used as a natural dye and so are anthraquinones)
(I’m taking the Malerone with me; trust Allah but tie thy drugs to my back…)
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13 days to go. Today's preparation involves TUNING IN TO MY BODY. I have been really busy at work & in the garden, readying my nest and my various projects for thyme away. And it’s also become a useful distraction to busy my mind away from what’s really going on. Which is fear.
To be honest I'm feeling quite anxious about the wood journey the closer it comes to me. I had wood recently to be in communication with it. It was a very smooth experience, lower dosing than Bwiti style. It actually brought up anxiety on the journey as I saw myself in Gabon amidst a marathon of Eboga. It was the first moment I really felt in my body how intense this whole reboot is. It was also the ‘easiest’ experience I’ve ever had on wood with not only clear visions, but an dynamic dialogue of interaction between us; good material and a sensitive nervous system.
So I am reminding myself now how dear a friend this plant has been to me. And building our trust together, rather than doubting its presence in my life. Eboga may be direct, but it’s spirit is very loving and caring. As if an old ancient tree with the enthusiasm of a toddler yet patience of a grandfather was stirred from its sleep, to tell you the secrets of the universe. We can hardly keep up with the density of information this giant condenses and dumbs down for our human processes to compute. After conjuring up such a giant, you can hardly go to bed after just a cuppa, nope, you guys JUUUST dropped acid and the night has only begun. He keeps you there reminiscing about the past and clearing the brain junk so that you might actually experience a moment of true connection and absolute clarity towards this Cosmic giggle. Long after you are too tired to think anymore let alone care, wishing he would just go to bed Eboga is still there rattling away stories, but he begins to drift with you into colour and flow. But not to fear, Eboga keeps you entertained with sporadic witty commentary on life as it jams star-data in your skull. A slightly soothing touch amidst the storm that is a meta-analysis of your psyche. You are acutely aware of how overwhelming it all is, yet simultaneously completely (dare I say peacefully?) detached from it. Each moment lasts lifetimes, yet when the morning dawns you can't understand how fast the night passed. This is the master plant medicine guru.
I feel better already! Channelling courage & strength today.
Oh I pulled this card whilst embodying this feeling.
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12 days to go.
Today's preparation involves; ADVENTURE! In the form of an epic bike ride (epic in the form of angles not distance; I live in the hills).
Mmmm I love the sedation of cardio exercise. Endorphins are mildly addictive to me, super helpful for bringing the energy down out of my brain and into my body. Where I much prefer to reside...
A 40 minutes bike ride through the beautiful Sunny Coast hinterland, followed by yoga, balance and handstand/headstand practice in the wintery sunshine, and a 40 minute ride home. I can officially now say I feel lazy. Something I rarely feel.
For me, I find the hardest part about Eboga eating to be the physical endurance and strength it asks of me to work with the plant in such a beneficial way. I tend to need to drink coconut water throughout the journey to keep my energy up or else I can collapse into an exhausted puddle unable to sit myself up to purge. After countless experiences working with this master plant medicine teacher I know to be strict with myself. If I feel sick I get up and enter into the purge, even when I have no energy to draw from I create it. Iboga is a big journey and I find if I prepare for our sessions, with a strong heart and cardiovascular system, I keep up better & integrate more into my being. If I see something challenging I don't look away, I know Iboga will just rewind and repeat til I get it anyway (not to worry if you can't manage this though, as there is so much lesson for both you & the plant in learning from the way that you react and respond). I try to go right into the shadow if it's presented to me. For too long in my life I have looked away from the painful things in hope to avoid pain, but this has kept my aversions in my periphery, dragging attachments around with me (this is where the high functioning anxiety comes from).
Where consciousness goes, energy flows.
With a solid grounding and safe home to launch from, it serves me well to look my murky shadowy bits right in the eyes, and penetrate beyond story. To follow the uncomfortable feelings and make home in me.
--------------- 11 days to go.
Today I am feeling super sleepy. Like I am between the dream world and this world. It's hard to clear my mind. So I'm listening to music, and allowing myself to be slow and steady.
Plans are for deviating away from. I trust in the flow of the universe, where it's leading me, how it holds me.
It's as if this song were Eboga speaking to me.
"My little life bound friend, where have you gone?
Who set you down, do you remember from where you were born?
This little life bound body that you keep,
It's never yours, was never yours.."
Listen here: Ayla Nereo - Life Bound Friend
--------------- 10 days to go; yay nearly single digits.
Today looked like this: more singing. I find it grounding to say the least.
I finally feel I am moving beyond the nerves and into this super excited space. I feel capable, willing, and ready. Bring it on world.
Watch here:Wayfaring Stranger --------------- 9 days to go; SINGLE DIGITS :O
Today I've been thinking about dreams, a lot. I lucid dreamt again, which I do fairly regularly (once a month?).
In this dream I awoke to my own consciousness at Uluru, a huge sacred rock in the red centre offo Australia. The heart. I used to live out there and it was amazing to re-kinnect with true Australia.
When I knew it was a dream I began exploring the land in wonder and joy. Until I met the edge of the dream. This is a common theme in a certain layering of dreaming for me. That the dream has a scene, set & storyline and freewill only can be exercised within the boundaries (there are ways around this though :D).
3 times now in the many lucid dreams I've had over the past years I have been told by a voice, not my own, that answers my struggles and tells me the 'Code of Conduct' in dreamland and tricks to hack the matrix.
1st voice showed me the boundaries of the dream 'You can go to there, at the edge of the forest'. As if the simulation ceased to exist past there, which was true, I would hit a wall. 2nd time I tried to jump dreams dramatically and was unable to, as I tried waves erupted around me trying to drown me. A bodiless woman told me "You can't upset the dream that much, stay within the story, it has something to teach you". Now I know both of those truths and test them often. When I met the edge of this dream and all began fading to white, I just walked backwards and everything came back into focus.
It was then that I was told by an old woman's voice to, "Find the source of water in the dream".
I can't shake this from my mind now and can't wait to remember this one next lucid dream!
--------------- 8 days to go, 7 days to go. If time isn’t real, why am I imagining it speeding up?
Yesterday I received some unconscious feedback from a friend, reflecting on me. I say reflecting but since it came out of intoxication, it was probably more accurately judgement. It was a medicine circle that I had, for the first time ever, decided to share some live music at. I was very nervous, as when I sing I feel super vulnerable, no matter how confident my ego pretends to be, I greatly fear the rejection or judgment of those around me in that vulnerable space. Hearing this remark about my poor display of music even years on really hit me in the heart yesterday, and reminded me of my soft spots. I felt hurt. I had this upset dialogue playing out that I will never be enough, and starting listing all of the things I give to try to prove this outdated opinion wrong. I soon decided that this really wasn’t worth my energy (as if I need to prove my worthiness!? please..) and kind of laughed at how small minded the whole thing was.
Humans are kind of annoying, living in a constant state of agitation and expectation for the world to satisfy it.
Not my monkeys, not my circus.
I also had to spend a bit of time reminding myself how happy I am that I do try, that I haven’t given up and criticise those that do, with full knowledge that this world is both kind and cruel. Self parenting this child-like primate-mind.
Today I received the most beautiful email from a girlfriend who sat circle with me last year, full of poetry and reflection of her experience. I resonate with it so much, her personal journey with the plant, her lessons, her joy and gratitude. It brought tears to my eyes, and goosebumps all over my body. This is why I do this ‘work’. Oh to be in purpose is such a gift. And that gift is a challenge en route to more gifts.
Now I just can’t stop laughing, life is this ridiculous miracle (like WTF I just woke up in this monkey suit!?) and it’s such a power to hold it in full spectrum. In these moments, I feel the weight of the universe flowing through me effortlessly. I am in gratitude and honour to be in its presence.
<3